Fathers Day 2012

It's Fathers Day again. That holiday devoted specifically to honoring the fathers in our lives. The problem is that it becomes a little more difficult when your father is no longer living. Even worse is the build-up to the day. Walmart puts their Fathers Day cards out a good month in advance. I avoid those aisles. I no longer have to look for the perfect gift for the man who has everything. No more bad ties, no more cheesy cards. No more Sunday morning phone calls. I never knew just how much I would miss those things. Instead, it has become a day of memories and most often a day filled with tears. Not that I can really focus on me anyway. I spend time trying to make sure my kids are focusing on making the day special for their own Dad. Keeping upbeat when your heart is broken is an art form of sorts. But there comes a time, when the celebrating has died down, I can slip away in my vehicle, turn up the radio and cry. I thank God for years that I had my Dad, but I also still grieve for the ones I am having to live without him. How I long to look into those eyes again.