The Holidays Are Over

We made it through the holidays. First stop was at my Mom's on the Saturday before Christmas. Tim got sick and wasn't able to join us, but we ate good food, and the kids got a lot of nice gifts. That afternoon, the kids and I stopped by the cemetary to put a wreath on Dad's grave. It was a simple act. I fought with myself over whether or not it was a stupid thing to do. I have never been big on putting flowers at the gravesite. I never really saw the point. On the other hand, I just couldn't make it through a Christmas without giving something to my Dad. It's sad that it had to be a part of our Christmas "celebration" this year. We went to Tim's Dad and stepmom's on Christmas Eve and then returned home late that night so we could get a little sleep before the kids woke us up bright and early on Christmas morning. We opened presents, lounged around in our PJ's and snacked all day. I took the tree down that afternoon. On New Years Day we went to Tim's mom's house for our last Christmas. We had a good visit, and it was nice having my little great-niece in the house to play with. I dreaded going to these places for Christmas. I dreaded being asked how I was doing and not being able to give an acceptable answer. The way it turned out, nobody asked. So why did that make me angry? I don't even begin to understand just how complicated my feelings are. I think for the most part, I'm still in survival mode. There are still things to be done. On the 26th, two days after my birthday, I have to go help pick out a headstone for Dad. We still have yet to clean out his closets. I want so much for this to all be over.